Do you Feel Free in Front of others? Are you an Assertive Person?: Assertiveness allows people to interact with others freely, i.e., say what we think, consider proposing, and review what we want. Learning to be an assertive person means providing quality and authenticity to interpersonal relationships since it enriches the fact that people permit themselves to choose at all times. For example, in acting before others with adequate management of emotions so as not to harm others or oneself.
Being Assertive is not:
- ” Knowing how to be” in the sense of doing what is understood to be done. Instead, it would be putting the choice of how to be before how it is supposed to be, doing it. In addition, it is done safely and with sensitivity for the freedom that others also have when choosing their behaviors.
- “To give an opinion on what is politically correct,” but to express what is freely chosen with the non-negotiable respect, of course, for what others contribute.
- “Being perfect in relationships” because, among other things, perfection does not exist, except in the minds of perfectionists, who spend their entire lives looking for it and suffering for not finding it.
Being Assertive is:
- Respect yourself at the very least , in the same way that you respect others.
- Decide your answers autonomously and without feeling obliged to do so while meeting the expectations of other people.
- Defend what you consider your rights above everything else, taking into consideration those of the rest.
Human relationships are complex due to different factors related to the bond that exists between people, so they expect each other, but also due to intrapersonal aspects, such as security or insecurity in oneself, fears, lack of skills, etc. In all areas of interaction some parts make me suspect this lack of assertiveness and freedom in relationships.
In the sphere of the couple, it is often appreciated how the lack of assertiveness of one of the two members is evidenced when they are silent when they grant when it seems that they have assumed that their opinion is less valid when they make many concessions or simply when you do things you don’t want to do. Seeing how someone detracts from value is sad since living as a couple should be the opposite, adding experiences, positive experiences, self-esteem, and happiness. On the contrary, the lack of assertiveness is a wrong choice or acceptance of an imposition that can be learned without being intended, but that is doomed to maintain relationships of apparent injustice and loss of one of the parties. There is a germ of this type of relationship between adults, which must be placed in the first adolescent couple relationships, and even which go back to the family environment on many occasions, where assertiveness has been conspicuous by its absence.
In labor relations, unfortunately, I see how the lack of assertiveness leads to very high levels of suffering in teams. Poor acceptance of criticism, inability to defend minimum rights, or lack of personal development about contributing initiatives, making decisions, or giving an opinion on what is established.
Parents who are not assertive with their children, children who are not strong with their parents, non-assertive siblings, non-assertive families.
How to be Assertive:
- The primary thing we must do is be aware of the importance of feeling free in relationships and exercising it without feeling that we are doing something terrible or unnatural, despite feeling strange. It is precisely the opposite. We have every factual in the world to decide at all times how we want our presence to be.
- The second thing will be to understand that acting assertively is equivalent to moving away from inhibited behavior patterns, in which we do not dare to work, to express an opinion, to say: “this mouth is mine,” in the same way as to flee from patterns in specific aggressive ways that lead to pressuring or inhibiting others with our manifestations or actions.
- Having said this, we can and must learn to say no when we deem it so., even though it may annoy others. This is particularly important for persons who are constantly forced to follow the designs of the rest and who have always been taken for granted that they assume what is proposed to them, whether it suits them or not, and that in a certain way it is considered that they are going to do it. Well-known is the commitment in which people see themselves, especially when it is a relative, not to deny him something that he demands of them. Otherwise, we would continue to be exposed to the manipulation that they can do to us, not always intentionally, but that clearly can respond to a need of others and not so much ours. When they ask us for something, we can say yes in the same way we can say no or whatever we want. We have to understand that in the end, people will understand perfectly, even if they do not share it or even if it does not suit them, since for that it is about close relationships. However, the most important thing is not what others understand, although some tend to think so. If they only said yes, we would be talking about exciting relationships in which they have not learned to respect us. However, we must be clear that the first ones we have to respect ourselves are ourselves. Because they have not learned how to do it, many people end up lying or even making excuses instead of clearly saying their needs. We must be clear that the first ones we have to respect ourselves are ourselves. Because they have not learned how to do it, many people end up lying or even making excuses instead of clearly saying their needs. We must be clear that the first ones we have to respect ourselves are ourselves. Because they have not learned how to do it, many people end up lying or even making excuses instead of clearly saying their needs.
As an essential point, we also have to learn to ask for things and not be silent, as if our right to do so was curtailed or inappropriate before trying. We express our wishes. Even though we may fail, since they have the right to tell us not to try once and so many times but with the conviction that being assertive means not setting limits beforehand. Instead, act insistently and tenaciously, in good manners, without overpowering others. Still, seeking to achieve our goal, whatever it may be, our slogan will be: “he who follows her achieves it.”
The non-assertive person tends to see others with more power than oneself, which is a wrong prism. We are the same, and our decisions are as valid as those of others.
Courage, reflect on all the aspects of your relationships that help you learn to be a highly assertive person. When you do, you will be more proud of yourself, and others will appreciate your authenticity.